I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
