Kareoke will never be a sober sport
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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