i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
