The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize