i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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