During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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