I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am one with the molecules
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
