i used baking grease as lip gloss
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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