i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize