Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
