i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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