News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I love you.
Bad choice
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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