I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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