apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
