i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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