I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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