stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She bit a glass in half.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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