Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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