ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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