Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
