i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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