Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
