does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
