More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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