This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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