its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
