You can't motorboat a personality
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
