You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
