Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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