So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The air was thick with penises
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
