Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
