Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
