I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
