I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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