She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
