Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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