I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
