theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
