When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
