I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
