just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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