my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
