I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
