I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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