Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
