His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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