I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
