Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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