i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize