i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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