I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
