when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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