Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
