There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
