I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
