That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
