you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
