I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize