she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize