my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
